im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize