I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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