who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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