Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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