just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
