My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
