i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
