the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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