I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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