He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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