Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
