Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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