that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We have started to decorate penises.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
