he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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