Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
