my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
