Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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