i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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