I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
