member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
