she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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