you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
this hospital has no fireball
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
And my parents said I crawled through the house
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
