Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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