I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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