he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize