Porn is love you can see.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
