Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
