Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
