he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So much rum. So many feels.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
