Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you win again, gameday.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
