drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
