She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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