Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you have to choose: penises or morals?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
