im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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