I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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