Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
