so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
