do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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