Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
