i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
