"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
