Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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