Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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