An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
