You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I puked a lego.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
