Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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