...so i touched it.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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