Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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