Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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