I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
