if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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