yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
