Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
