i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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