It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You took a bar mat shot.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
