yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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