If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
