they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
