Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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