You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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