i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
