I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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