Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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