I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
