I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
you never un-have a 4some
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
