The maid of honor just puked.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
