please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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